I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dating After Heartbreak
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.