I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.