i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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