I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he quoted the bible to break up with me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster