why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
