So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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