did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
