Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
