then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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