I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
