I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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