I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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