i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
