i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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