i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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