gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just blew my weed a kiss
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
