Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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