Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize