Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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