Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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