I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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