Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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