I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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