Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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