What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I faked an abortion last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
