just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
