You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
