I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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