You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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