I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
