Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
