nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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