so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
