he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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