Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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