dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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