I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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