we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
