I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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