Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There are leaves in my underwear?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
