so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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