These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize