I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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