remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
