1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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