I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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