First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
