I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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