You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
