I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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