Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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