i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
