3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my phone needs a breathalizer
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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