Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
