You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
