For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
