I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need moral support for this bender
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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