Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
