I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were trust falling into bushes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
