Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
