You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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