I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
